At Sixteen Months

You are 16 months old! How can that be? It was just yesterday when you were looking up at me with a look of total wonder like 'where am I' and 'are you the lady who feeds me?'. You are not a little baby any more and at least once a day, this breaks my heart. But for the most part, you amaze me and your dad every day. You understand far more than you can speak right now. You went over and picked out every book I asked for the other night while we were reading!! I had no idea you were really listening when we read books every night before bed! You say dada all the time and momma only when it's a really urgent matter. You point at everything and say 'da'. We figure that means 'that'. You've gotten the hang of saying 'thank you' when someone hands you something, at least, that's what we like to think you are saying. Sometimes you just talk and talk and talk with such emphasis that I know you are talking about something serious. I can't wait until you start talking in words I can understand. I know you have a lot to say. You've learned how to cheese really big when a camera is out (see above) and you've even taken a couple pretty decent shots. Maybe you have a future in photography.

You are in the process of getting FIVE molars and it is tough work. You seem to enjoy chewing on mustard bottles for pain relief. And having extra cuddle time which is ok with me. You love to watch the Wonder Pets and any time Moose and Zee are on, you get very still. In fact, that is the only time you are very still. I tried to make you a Moose and Zee pillow but you seem very uninterested. If they are not on that big tv, they are just not as good.

You STILL do not sleep through the night. I'm not sure what else to say about that other than..please, please sleep through the night soon. You have taken an interest in sleeping in our bed around midnight each night and because I am exhausted, I bring you in there. I guess that makes me an enabler. You are also very attached to my pillow. You do not like to share the bed. You sleep sideways most nights. Although I am more tired than I can even say, the perk is that you always snuggle in close to me while you sleep and sometimes you make the sweetest little noises..little sighs, small words..it is the most precious thing and makes it totally worth missing sleep.

Monkey is still your #1 friend. Monkey comes everywhere with us. One day when you're older I will tell you how we really had two monkeys that we switch out so that you always had a somewhat clean monkey to chew on and that I was terrified that you would somehow find both monkeys and your universe would suddenly no longer make sense!

I can't believe how fast it's all going by! I love you more each and every day.

My Kid Thinks I'm Pretty Neat

So, I got my W2 in the mail last week and it set my mind into motion..How can this be? I'm making LESS now than I did in 2004? This is ridiculous! No wonder it feels like we never have any money! This went on for quite some time and then I set out on the computer, career builder to be exact. I glanced around until something caught my eye. A paralegal job in Charlotte in litigation and appeals (which is the area that I work in now). Hmmmm. I thought about it for a day or two before I mentioned it to Ric. When I finally did, he said what any extremely supportive husband would say, 'I'll support you in whatever you do'. As much as I like to hear that, it didn't really help my decision any. See, to work in Charlotte, I could expect a hefty raise in my sad little salary, but I'd be trading in a whole lot. Right now, I work in Concord, 15 minutes from my house. I only work Mondays-Thursdays because my boss knows how hard it was for me to come back to work after having Will and well, because he is an ok guy, he lets me take off on Fridays to be with Will. I can leave work at the drop of a hat if I need to get home for whatever reason. No questions ask, because again, my boss rocks. And I've been here for 6 years. They took me in with NO experience, and he has taught me everything I know about litigation.

But it was something Ric said that really helped me make up my mind. He said late one night this weekend that Will wouldn't be a little one forever and it would be wise for us to spend as much time as possible with him now, while we can. I realized last night that right now Will thinks I'm pretty neat. I feed him when he's hungry, I know where all his tickle spots are, I read him the books he picks out and I play the games he makes up, like when he stuffs shapes in my mouth and I blow them out as far as I can and he laughs and goes and brings it back (kind of like a game of fetch). He thinks I rock. And I know that the older he gets he might not always feel that way. His dad is a pretty cool guy too, and he's gonna teach him how to work on cars and play with power tools (I can't compete with that), so for now, I want to soak up each and every minute I can with him. So, I'm staying put. I may have to work, but at least where I'm at now, I can take my Fridays and spend it with my baby. And that is worth way more than any big, fat paycheck.

Our First Adult Getaway in 3 YEARS!

Yep, so it finally happened. We said goodbye to Taco (our nickname for baby W) and headed to the mountains for 2 days of skiing, snowboarding, sleep and other adult type things. Our first vacation together just me and Ric in 3 years..and those three years have included a couple of the most significant events in our lives...a flood that destroyed our home, a rebuild of said home thanks to flood insurance, moving in with my inlaws while I was seven months pregnant, moving into my parents retirement home, moving back into the "flood" house, and the MOST important of all, getting pregnant after trying for a YEAR and giving BIRTH..yep, so we've been a little busy but I figured since W. is almost 15 months old, he would probably have enough memories to remember me when I came home but not old enough to miss us so bad that he refused to play, eat or poop (the main parts of his day).

We are so lucky to have grandparents that live 2 streets away and that are willing to tackle the ever changing, never the same 2 nights in a row, dreaded nights. Yes, they were tired when we returned home but they said they loved every minute of it, even the 2:00 AM wrestling match with Will rolling around on Granddad and sleeping across Grammie's neck. They even said we could make plans to do it again. WOOHOO!! (How is next Friday? haha) Those are some good grandparents.

But back to the story at hand..we went to Appalachian Ski Mountain..stayed in a room that wasn't pretty but it was perfect for what we needed and hit the slopes. Now, I have never stepped foot in skis or on a snowboard. I've never even been on a skateboard and the last experience I had with rollar blades left me with a pretty nasty road rash (OUCH! I will never again try to walk a german shepherd/beagle mix on rollar blades)..so I'm not the most graceful or balanced gal..we tried to just wing it at first, along with the 3,000 App. students that were also there that night for orientation. I mean seriously? On a Tuesday night? COME ON! But when I couldn't even walk up a tiny little hill, I knew I was going to need some instruction. Some serious professional instruction. We signed up for a group lesson but it only ended up being the 2 of us and our instructor..a 16 year old little ski-dude who when talking referred to "older people" and I think he meant US. Anywho..I made it up on the skis and down on the bunny slopes a couple time and felt pretty good about myself. Now my husband who "claimed" he had been skiing once like 15 years ago is a big fat LIAR. He was awesome on skis..he made it look so easy and fun, just like one of those fellas in the olympics. Totally cool to see your husband just rock at something you've never seen him do before!

The next day we decided since we had mastered the art of skiing..haha..we'd tackle snowboarding. Again..we went with a lesson and again we were the only ones who signed up for that one..very nice! I knew as soon as I locked into that board that I was wrong..skiing is not scary..skiing is fun and free and your legs can move independent of the other one. Snowboarding is one tricky, terrifying sport. I fell down the hill repeatedly, face first, butt first, flying down the hill throwing out "shit!" while the 6 years old skiied down with expert percision. Ric fell down like twice. I had to talk myself into picking up my foot to go again and again..Ric was doing turns and jumps after 20 minutes. You get the picture..He took to it in no time and loved it and I couldn't wait to trade in my board and go back to the skis. But we laughed. A LOT. We smiled and talked and just took our time. No schedules, no one to feed but ourselves and we just ate JUNK, just the two of us. It was by far one of my favorite vacations with him.

And even though we missed taco and he missed us (we were told), we all did just fine, no better than fine. It was really, really great.

If I had left a note for the nanny today it would have read...

So, I didn't have a chance to write the note that was in my head for Jesscia, our nanny, this morning before running out the door (late again) for work and then spilling oj all over my sweater..so I rambled off the part about the juice to my hubby in the hopes that he would pass it along...but if I had been the ultra prepared, totally organized mom, my baby's note would have read the following:

Dear Jessica,

1. So, we started juice this weekend. He can have 1 cup a day with either lunch or snack. We don't want him to think he can have juice all day long and become hooked on it and refuse his water and/or milk.

2. He only pooped once yesterday so that means he's probably going to have at least 3 today. I apologize ahead of time.

3. He was super fussy last night and ended up sleeping in our bed ALL night. He likes to sleep sideways in my spot so that I end up curled up at the foot of the bed next to our dog, Max. Max does not like having someone in his spot but he's starting to get used to it. He might be very cranky, fussy, icky today, just like his Mom. Again, I apologize.

4. We have spent 4 days together just hanging out. He will miss me today (this is what I chose to believe) just like I will be missing him. Please give extra cuddles today from me and let him know that as soon as we hit the lottery, I will be available full-time.

Married Life

Quoting Bishop Jeremy Taylor, "Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful."

I love being married. I guess I always knew that I would be good at it if I was fortunate enough to find my 'lobster' (Friends reference). And I did. Mr. B. is my person. He is my everything. I sometimes spend time watching him do small tasks that I've seen him do countless times and I never get tired of watching him do them. He makes me feel GOOD inside. I can't imagine my life without him and there's no way I would ever want to. Don't get me wrong, we've had our fair share of fights, some major, others not so bad, but we always came out the other side of them. We just decided that we'd stick together through the good and the bad, no matter what. And we have. I am so blessed to be married to my very best friend, someone who gets who I am, who knows me. He is an amazing husband.

A Year Ago

A year ago today we were 10 days away from having a baby boy.

We were technically "homeless" after having lost our home in a flood 3 months earlier.

We were living with my in-laws along with our 2 dogs and 5 cats + their 4 dogs. My dear Mother-in-Law was used to having quiet in the mornings. That was not possible given this situation.

I spent a lot of time crying after the lights went out, and quite a bit when the lights were on.

I missed our home, I missed having our own space but I knew how truly blessed we were to have a home to stay in.

Those months after the flood were hard, no hard doesn't even begin to describe it. It was devastating. We lost stuff, but that wasn't the worst part. We had spent 9 months of our lives renovating the house before moving into it. We only lived there for a year before it was all destroyed. It was something we were both so extremely proud of. We literally had put our blood, sweat and tears into it (and all the money from the sale of our first home). I remember how angry I was that we had to carry flood insurance on the property. I really believed we would fork over $1,000 a year for the insurance for the next 30 years and never have to use it. But that all changed that Tuesday morning. With no warning it was all gone, but that story is for another post, another day.

Flash forward to a year later...

We are back in our home. Despite the warnings and crazy looks from family and friends, we moved back in as soon as the construction company was finished and the final insurance payment had cleared the bank. And I love it. I love it as much as I did when we moved into it the first time. I thought I'd be scared and constantly worry that it would happen again but as it turns out, it rained the entire first week after we had moved in and I wasn't scared. Maybe going through it once was enough for me to believe it wouldn't happen again or maybe I just know that we can make it through it if it were to happen again.

We have a very active, very charming, makes me laugh-out-loud every day, little boy, W. Gosh, I adore that kid! He looks like me but he's got his Daddy's personality. He is the best thing that has happened to us. We are blessed. He is 10 days away from being 1 and walking all over the place. Before he goes to bed at night, he turns into a bit of a drunk sailor and walks real unsteady, giggling the whole time. He knows he's adorable.

I thank God every night for our flood insurance. We only paid $2,000 for two years before they paid us $134,000.00.

Most importantly, one year later, I love my husband. I love him more today than I did a year ago. I thank God every single night for him. Marrying him was the best decision I've ever made. Being his wife is a gift. I am so blessed.

Bueller!! Bueller!!

I feel like I'm not alone when I say that I'm not present. I'm not really here because when I'm at work, I'm thinking about being at home and when I'm at home, I'm thinking about the 15 things I either forgot to do at work or should be doing at home. I'm always distracted or lost somewhere in my own head. I ask my hubby questions and try to be a good, considerate wife, but then I never really hear his answer and I watch my little man but I'm usually doing something else at the same time. I just wonder what the trick is...is it possible to do it all? Is it possible to be kick-ass wife, mother, friend, sister and employee every single day? If it is, I'd love to know the secret!