Missing My Baby

I miss my baby today. Not just the normal baby pain but the what the hell am I doing still working while my baby is getting bigger and bigger every day and I’m MISSING it!!! I struggle so much with being a working mom but the point that always brings me back to the fact that I have to work is that if I didn’t have a job, we’d be broke. Like seriously broke. We’d barely have enough for the monthly bills, plus I’d have to get medical insurance and we wouldn’t have a 401K to contribute to anymore so adios retirement! (Deep Breath, Slow Deep Breath.)

I know if I didn’t work, I’d spend the majority of my days (and nights) thisclose to a panic attack over bills and mortgages and paychecks that may or may not be there (my husband runs his own business so if he’s got no work, then we’ve got no paycheck) so I wouldn’t be the kind of happy-go-lucky baby my little guy needs and deserves. I’d be a wreck.

But today, things are super slow here. I’m bored out of my wits and it just feels like a waste of time for me to be here and my baby to be somewhere else and it just sucks. Maybe one day our circumstances will change and the option will be available to us, but for now I think I’m just going to have to “grin and bear it” or “suck it up” or some other pointless saying, but you get the idea.

I know the answer for me is to make each moment I’m with him count. I can’t spend time worrying about what I miss because there’s nothing I can do about that. I can only look forward to the next adorable thing he does and just soak it all in.

This working mom stuff blows.