Monday, November 23, 2009

If I had left a note for the nanny today it would have read...

So, I didn't have a chance to write the note that was in my head for Jesscia, our nanny, this morning before running out the door (late again) for work and then spilling oj all over my I rambled off the part about the juice to my hubby in the hopes that he would pass it along...but if I had been the ultra prepared, totally organized mom, my baby's note would have read the following:

Dear Jessica,

1. So, we started juice this weekend. He can have 1 cup a day with either lunch or snack. We don't want him to think he can have juice all day long and become hooked on it and refuse his water and/or milk.

2. He only pooped once yesterday so that means he's probably going to have at least 3 today. I apologize ahead of time.

3. He was super fussy last night and ended up sleeping in our bed ALL night. He likes to sleep sideways in my spot so that I end up curled up at the foot of the bed next to our dog, Max. Max does not like having someone in his spot but he's starting to get used to it. He might be very cranky, fussy, icky today, just like his Mom. Again, I apologize.

4. We have spent 4 days together just hanging out. He will miss me today (this is what I chose to believe) just like I will be missing him. Please give extra cuddles today from me and let him know that as soon as we hit the lottery, I will be available full-time.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Married Life

Quoting Bishop Jeremy Taylor, "Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful."

I love being married. I guess I always knew that I would be good at it if I was fortunate enough to find my 'lobster' (Friends reference). And I did. Mr. B. is my person. He is my everything. I sometimes spend time watching him do small tasks that I've seen him do countless times and I never get tired of watching him do them. He makes me feel GOOD inside. I can't imagine my life without him and there's no way I would ever want to. Don't get me wrong, we've had our fair share of fights, some major, others not so bad, but we always came out the other side of them. We just decided that we'd stick together through the good and the bad, no matter what. And we have. I am so blessed to be married to my very best friend, someone who gets who I am, who knows me. He is an amazing husband.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Year Ago

A year ago today we were 10 days away from having a baby boy.

We were technically "homeless" after having lost our home in a flood 3 months earlier.

We were living with my in-laws along with our 2 dogs and 5 cats + their 4 dogs. My dear Mother-in-Law was used to having quiet in the mornings. That was not possible given this situation.

I spent a lot of time crying after the lights went out, and quite a bit when the lights were on.

I missed our home, I missed having our own space but I knew how truly blessed we were to have a home to stay in.

Those months after the flood were hard, no hard doesn't even begin to describe it. It was devastating. We lost stuff, but that wasn't the worst part. We had spent 9 months of our lives renovating the house before moving into it. We only lived there for a year before it was all destroyed. It was something we were both so extremely proud of. We literally had put our blood, sweat and tears into it (and all the money from the sale of our first home). I remember how angry I was that we had to carry flood insurance on the property. I really believed we would fork over $1,000 a year for the insurance for the next 30 years and never have to use it. But that all changed that Tuesday morning. With no warning it was all gone, but that story is for another post, another day.

Flash forward to a year later...

We are back in our home. Despite the warnings and crazy looks from family and friends, we moved back in as soon as the construction company was finished and the final insurance payment had cleared the bank. And I love it. I love it as much as I did when we moved into it the first time. I thought I'd be scared and constantly worry that it would happen again but as it turns out, it rained the entire first week after we had moved in and I wasn't scared. Maybe going through it once was enough for me to believe it wouldn't happen again or maybe I just know that we can make it through it if it were to happen again.

We have a very active, very charming, makes me laugh-out-loud every day, little boy, W. Gosh, I adore that kid! He looks like me but he's got his Daddy's personality. He is the best thing that has happened to us. We are blessed. He is 10 days away from being 1 and walking all over the place. Before he goes to bed at night, he turns into a bit of a drunk sailor and walks real unsteady, giggling the whole time. He knows he's adorable.

I thank God every night for our flood insurance. We only paid $2,000 for two years before they paid us $134,000.00.

Most importantly, one year later, I love my husband. I love him more today than I did a year ago. I thank God every single night for him. Marrying him was the best decision I've ever made. Being his wife is a gift. I am so blessed.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Bueller!! Bueller!!

I feel like I'm not alone when I say that I'm not present. I'm not really here because when I'm at work, I'm thinking about being at home and when I'm at home, I'm thinking about the 15 things I either forgot to do at work or should be doing at home. I'm always distracted or lost somewhere in my own head. I ask my hubby questions and try to be a good, considerate wife, but then I never really hear his answer and I watch my little man but I'm usually doing something else at the same time. I just wonder what the trick it possible to do it all? Is it possible to be kick-ass wife, mother, friend, sister and employee every single day? If it is, I'd love to know the secret!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Missing My Baby

I miss my baby today. Not just the normal baby pain but the what the hell am I doing still working while my baby is getting bigger and bigger every day and I’m MISSING it!!! I struggle so much with being a working mom but the point that always brings me back to the fact that I have to work is that if I didn’t have a job, we’d be broke. Like seriously broke. We’d barely have enough for the monthly bills, plus I’d have to get medical insurance and we wouldn’t have a 401K to contribute to anymore so adios retirement! (Deep Breath, Slow Deep Breath.)

I know if I didn’t work, I’d spend the majority of my days (and nights) thisclose to a panic attack over bills and mortgages and paychecks that may or may not be there (my husband runs his own business so if he’s got no work, then we’ve got no paycheck) so I wouldn’t be the kind of happy-go-lucky baby my little guy needs and deserves. I’d be a wreck.

But today, things are super slow here. I’m bored out of my wits and it just feels like a waste of time for me to be here and my baby to be somewhere else and it just sucks. Maybe one day our circumstances will change and the option will be available to us, but for now I think I’m just going to have to “grin and bear it” or “suck it up” or some other pointless saying, but you get the idea.

I know the answer for me is to make each moment I’m with him count. I can’t spend time worrying about what I miss because there’s nothing I can do about that. I can only look forward to the next adorable thing he does and just soak it all in.

This working mom stuff blows.

The Muffins Told Me To Do It

I guess it's ok to lay it all out there...I have a problem. Not a serious drug related problem, but close. I have absolutely no will power when it comes to baked goods. I mean like zilch. I've been trying to shrink the size of my body, specifically the belly, thighs and butt. However in the month of my Firm DVDs and Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred, the only thing smaller on me are my boobs, which were already super tiny and the one dang thing I didn't want to lose!! WTF??

I've actually been doing really good with the exercise part. I've been trying to do it at least 3-4 times a week but I know that I will never lose my pregnancy/bread/cheese/chocolate weight if I continue to eat crap. Lots and lots of crap. I'm talking about my desk drawer full of mini snickers and twix bars and since they are mini, that means I can eat 4 at a time! I'm talking about the box of muffins and donuts brought to our office today by Satan himself (only he was possing as a real estate agent) with some of the best looking baked goods I could hope for. Ah, as I finished off my SECOND muffin after lunch I came to the realization that my love affair with all things bread is going to have to come to an end if I have any hope of losing some of this chunk!

It doesn't help that I'm married to a man with an unbelieveable metabolism. He can eat around the clock and never gains a pound (of course he believes this to be a curse!) I wish I could be cursed like that!

I know, I'll just start slowly..I won't eat another muffin today!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Flipped off by a Squirrel and I Deserved It

So on Sunday, I took on the job of clearing out what some would consider a yard. Being out of the house from the flood for almost a year and having left it a bit of a mess before that, we were now left with some serious overgrown weeds, trees, bushes, etc. The hubby took baby W. to see G&G for a couple of hours so I got all dressed in long pants and long sleeves and a sweat band (yeah, pretty hot, I know) and went out front. Truth be told, I'm not really a fan of yard work..I'm terrified of bugs and snakes and anything that has more legs than me; however, I have lately become a fan of exercise and since it was 80 degrees outside this weekend and I was dressed like it was 40 degrees, I knew I'd sweat off the pancakes and bacon I had for breakfast. And sure enough about an hour into it, I was sweltering, nearing the point of seeing those funny black spots when I'd open and close my eyes. I continued to clear out the twigs and got ahold of a particularly large one. It was one that had grown up from the ground and spiraled around the tree. I started to tug on it and realized it wasn't going to come easy. So, I started to 'heave and ho' and ended up getting it down with a lot of work. I felt awesome. Like superwoman of the weeds. But as the final piece fell from the sky, along with it came a squirrel's nest, followed closely by a very angry squirrel. I felt horrible. I felt even worse when that squirrel looked right at me and I swear gave me the finger as he ran off.

I tried to apologize but he wasn't hanging around for it. I now have 3 sizeable dents in my car and a whole through my rain visor where the little rats have thrown nuts at my car. What kind of shit is that??

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

5 things I'm Obsessed with Right Now

1. Spending as much time with my hubby and baby W. as I can

2. My tv shows are back!!! Hello Grey's Anatomy! HIMYM! Big Bang! Medium! SYTYCD! I've missed you all so much! I can't wait to pick up right where we left off!

3. Reading blogs..all kinds of blogs but especially ones involving raising babies..maybe I'll pick up some wisdom from those wiser moms who have time to chart/graph, brush their kids teeth

4. Sleep..I'm obsessed with how to get it. Any suggestions? And by suggestions I do not mean letting baby W. cry-it-out..that's just not for me...I've actually been falling asleep in random places and at inappropriate times..i.e. at work or in the shower

5. Getting life insurance, wills and poas drawn up and taken care of so that if something should happen, things would be taken care of. I'm amazed at how much I obsess over this type of thing now. Having a baby has made my general run-of-the-mill worrying into a full blown verge of panic-attack stressing thing. I know (hope) I will feel much better once it's taken care of...

Is it bedtime yet?

By now I should have this schedule thing figured out, right? That's what everyone says..he's 10 months old, he should be on a schedule....don't let him set your schedule..blah, blah, blah...I'm not much for listening to the nay sayers and the know-it-alls but sometimes I wonder...

I've read the baby sleep books and then put them directly into the goodwill box..all the charts and mapping..I can't hardly find time to brush W's four little teeth..when will I have time to graph and chart his sleeping schedules and feeding times??? Hello! I am a new mom who hasn't had a full nights sleep since that one time around Thanksgiving, do you really think a FREAKING chart is going to help me??? hahaha..but I digress, me and the hubby have really tried all combinations of sleep-feeding possibilities but the kid just won't sleep through the night. He's like this tiny, rubik's cube that has this magical code that I was never given at the hospital so now I'm screwed and I will never sleep through the night again!!!!