Missing My Baby

I miss my baby today. Not just the normal baby pain but the what the hell am I doing still working while my baby is getting bigger and bigger every day and I’m MISSING it!!! I struggle so much with being a working mom but the point that always brings me back to the fact that I have to work is that if I didn’t have a job, we’d be broke. Like seriously broke. We’d barely have enough for the monthly bills, plus I’d have to get medical insurance and we wouldn’t have a 401K to contribute to anymore so adios retirement! (Deep Breath, Slow Deep Breath.)

I know if I didn’t work, I’d spend the majority of my days (and nights) thisclose to a panic attack over bills and mortgages and paychecks that may or may not be there (my husband runs his own business so if he’s got no work, then we’ve got no paycheck) so I wouldn’t be the kind of happy-go-lucky baby my little guy needs and deserves. I’d be a wreck.

But today, things are super slow here. I’m bored out of my wits and it just feels like a waste of time for me to be here and my baby to be somewhere else and it just sucks. Maybe one day our circumstances will change and the option will be available to us, but for now I think I’m just going to have to “grin and bear it” or “suck it up” or some other pointless saying, but you get the idea.

I know the answer for me is to make each moment I’m with him count. I can’t spend time worrying about what I miss because there’s nothing I can do about that. I can only look forward to the next adorable thing he does and just soak it all in.

This working mom stuff blows.

The Muffins Told Me To Do It

I guess it's ok to lay it all out there...I have a problem. Not a serious drug related problem, but close. I have absolutely no will power when it comes to baked goods. I mean like zilch. I've been trying to shrink the size of my body, specifically the belly, thighs and butt. However in the month of my Firm DVDs and Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred, the only thing smaller on me are my boobs, which were already super tiny and the one dang thing I didn't want to lose!! WTF??

I've actually been doing really good with the exercise part. I've been trying to do it at least 3-4 times a week but I know that I will never lose my pregnancy/bread/cheese/chocolate weight if I continue to eat crap. Lots and lots of crap. I'm talking about my desk drawer full of mini snickers and twix bars and since they are mini, that means I can eat 4 at a time! I'm talking about the box of muffins and donuts brought to our office today by Satan himself (only he was possing as a real estate agent) with some of the best looking baked goods I could hope for. Ah, as I finished off my SECOND muffin after lunch I came to the realization that my love affair with all things bread is going to have to come to an end if I have any hope of losing some of this chunk!

It doesn't help that I'm married to a man with an unbelieveable metabolism. He can eat around the clock and never gains a pound (of course he believes this to be a curse!) I wish I could be cursed like that!

I know, I'll just start slowly..I won't eat another muffin today!

Flipped off by a Squirrel and I Deserved It

So on Sunday, I took on the job of clearing out what some would consider a yard. Being out of the house from the flood for almost a year and having left it a bit of a mess before that, we were now left with some serious overgrown weeds, trees, bushes, etc. The hubby took baby W. to see G&G for a couple of hours so I got all dressed in long pants and long sleeves and a sweat band (yeah, pretty hot, I know) and went out front. Truth be told, I'm not really a fan of yard work..I'm terrified of bugs and snakes and anything that has more legs than me; however, I have lately become a fan of exercise and since it was 80 degrees outside this weekend and I was dressed like it was 40 degrees, I knew I'd sweat off the pancakes and bacon I had for breakfast. And sure enough about an hour into it, I was sweltering, nearing the point of seeing those funny black spots when I'd open and close my eyes. I continued to clear out the twigs and got ahold of a particularly large one. It was one that had grown up from the ground and spiraled around the tree. I started to tug on it and realized it wasn't going to come easy. So, I started to 'heave and ho' and ended up getting it down with a lot of work. I felt awesome. Like superwoman of the weeds. But as the final piece fell from the sky, along with it came a squirrel's nest, followed closely by a very angry squirrel. I felt horrible. I felt even worse when that squirrel looked right at me and I swear gave me the finger as he ran off.

I tried to apologize but he wasn't hanging around for it. I now have 3 sizeable dents in my car and a whole through my rain visor where the little rats have thrown nuts at my car. What kind of shit is that??

5 things I'm Obsessed with Right Now

1. Spending as much time with my hubby and baby W. as I can

2. My tv shows are back!!! Hello Grey's Anatomy! HIMYM! Big Bang! Medium! SYTYCD! I've missed you all so much! I can't wait to pick up right where we left off!

3. Reading blogs..all kinds of blogs but especially ones involving raising babies..maybe I'll pick up some wisdom from those wiser moms who have time to chart/graph, brush their kids teeth

4. Sleep..I'm obsessed with how to get it. Any suggestions? And by suggestions I do not mean letting baby W. cry-it-out..that's just not for me...I've actually been falling asleep in random places and at inappropriate times..i.e. at work or in the shower

5. Getting life insurance, wills and poas drawn up and taken care of so that if something should happen, things would be taken care of. I'm amazed at how much I obsess over this type of thing now. Having a baby has made my general run-of-the-mill worrying into a full blown verge of panic-attack stressing thing. I know (hope) I will feel much better once it's taken care of...

Is it bedtime yet?

By now I should have this schedule thing figured out, right? That's what everyone says..he's 10 months old, he should be on a schedule....don't let him set your schedule..blah, blah, blah...I'm not much for listening to the nay sayers and the know-it-alls but sometimes I wonder...

I've read the baby sleep books and then put them directly into the goodwill box..all the charts and mapping..I can't hardly find time to brush W's four little teeth..when will I have time to graph and chart his sleeping schedules and feeding times??? Hello! I am a new mom who hasn't had a full nights sleep since that one time around Thanksgiving, do you really think a FREAKING chart is going to help me??? hahaha..but I digress, me and the hubby have really tried all combinations of sleep-feeding possibilities but the kid just won't sleep through the night. He's like this tiny, rubik's cube that has this magical code that I was never given at the hospital so now I'm screwed and I will never sleep through the night again!!!!

CRAP!!